I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
