I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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