Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize