Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
