is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
