Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize