Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
