imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
