If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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