fuck your aforementioned shoe
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
