I'm lost and stupid without you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
