Will you blow on my dice?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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