I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
