Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize