I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
