I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Will exercising make me less horny?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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