matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
