I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
