my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
