I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
