tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
