I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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