You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
