My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
