Nicole vs. Life
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
