2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
