U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
