C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
