It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize