One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
