So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
