Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
