Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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