Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize