I just saw a hot homeless man
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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