Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
