the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
