So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
