And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize