i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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