It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
