the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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