I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
