I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
