How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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