Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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