Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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