That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize