my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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