I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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