i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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