I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
