i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
