I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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