the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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