I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
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