I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am available for nakedness
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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