Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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