i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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