did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
