I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
