Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize