Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
