She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
