I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
