when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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