I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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