nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
