god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
