By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
