I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
