I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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