I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
