Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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