but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
