I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
