Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So. Much. Porn.
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