So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
