just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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