It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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