Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
