I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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