I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
