yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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