I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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