Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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