Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
