It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
