Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
