so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
